blues.

I was on twitter yesterday morning and I was reading tweets from Robert Kardashian, Jr. He posted the following, “I’m aware that I’m fat that def aint a surprise to me lol and my only therapy will be in the gym anyways had to say somethingggggggggg.” 

I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic towards Rob. I don’t know him from a hole in the wall, but I can’t imagine having thousands, maybe millions of people tweeting about me, talking about how I look and/or how ugly I may look. Going back to my post from Sunday, I don’t need to mirror to see how I look. I know I’m plus-size, but guess what? I’m awesome! I’m beautiful! I’m intelligent! It’s just too bad that there are those who believe that beauty has specifications; as a result, they see what size pants I wear and not the size of my heart.

Up until recently, I avoided many retail stores because I thought I wouldn’t look good in the clothes. Let me tell you, that’s no way to live. To live in constant fear of being teased, of having people stare and whisper right in front of you… it sucks. It’s hard for me because people have done this to me, but I can’t let my past dictate my present and my future. It felt good to walk into Old Navy and H&M and check out their clothes. I treated myself to few tops and I even took pictures in the shirts. I felt so liberated; I didn’t have a care in the world! It never hurts to try on different things and to treat oneself. Right now, I’m in love with my new Victoria Secret lipsticks. I love matching my makeup to my new outfits. I’m loving myself and the skin that I’m allowing myself to be in.

As hard as it is to do, I had to admit that I was hurt from my past. What people said to me and the things that were done to me hurt. To smile and essentially hide from the pain isn’t the answer. As a perfectionist, it’s hard to admit when I’m struggling. I’m exactly what the word means- I want to be perfect. But there is no such thing as perfect- all we can do is try our best and achieve what we believe is right for ourselves. I’m grateful to have family that I can confide in. I have a boyfriend who I trust, who I can share my struggles with. When it comes to positivity, I make sure that I surround myself with those that I have my best interest.

It’s funny how years ago, it mattered how many Myspace and Facebook friends I had. Now in my late 20′s and I can honestly say that I rather have a smaller circle and be happy than have hundreds of friends who don’t give a shit about me. 

Until next time!

 

Note: Robert Kardashian, Jr. has since deleted the mentioned tweet. I obtained the tweet from the following website: http://www.people.com/article/rob-kardashian-fat-comments-twitter

 

 

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